Tomorrow, the world celebrates the World Family Day, a day set aside by the United Nations to draw attention to the importance of the family. The day was also declared in response to changing social and economic structures which have affected and still affect the structure and stability of families in Africa and other parts of the world. After God, the family comes next. It is good to have a successful career, hang out with the guys/girls, but nothing comes near the family. Great wealth without great children to manage it after your retirement/demise often becomes a term activity.
We have many people who made great impacts on other fronts, but failed on the home front. They always feel incomplete later in life. David O. McKay succinctly captures it: “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.” The family is a micro-society; the family is the bedrock of a great society; it is first stage of formation for children. So unless families get it right with the upbringing of their children, the bigger society bears the brunt later. This is especially so in societies like ours grappling with basic issues of policing, rule of law and justice administration. We are already witnessing it: increase in rape cases, armed robbery, kidnapping, cattle rustling, Boko Haram and other violent crimes. No matter how much you blame the government, which is very much culpable, it started from the home. The theme of this year’s celebration is: “Families, healthy lives and sustainable future.” With many Nigerians living on less than two dollars per day, many Nigerian families are anything, but healthy. They have no money to provide the three basic needs of food, shelter and clothing.
The level of poverty is compounded by ignorance and indiscipline. Many families whose combined income (husband and wife) is less than N50,000 have as many as six, seven and even ten children. This is more rampant in the rural areas. At night, they huddle together because of limited space like monkeys fighting off cold during winter.
Many people in their 40s and above come from large families, but those were the days when it was fashionable, the cost of living was lower and life was communal. Some of our parents were also farmers, who needed a large family to help out in the farm. Our society, especially in the urban centres, has become plastic and individualistic. Having and raising children has become more expensive and time-consuming. The family size has become a fundamental issue. That is why I advise would-be couples to agree on the number of children they will have before saying “I do.” Some have told me it is ungodly.
To such people I ask: “Where is it ungodly in the Bible to bear only children you can adequately cater for?” Put differently, is it against the Bible to have only children you can effectively cater for? This is what is ungodly, giving birth to children like rabbits, knowing you do not have the time and resources to properly bring them up. Failing in your parental responsibilities and allowing your children to grow into monsters who terrorise the society; bringing up children without education or skill, thereby setting them back a million years before their peers in this very competitive and harsh environment. God always wanted us to do family planning. That is why women have safe and unsafe periods.
Even though he created men for all seasons, God expects men to have dick control (self discipline). He then gave us the brain to enable us know when to and when not to. Those who do not have the discipline for natural family planning have taken refuge in artifi (artificial contraceptives). I concede, however, that the brain does not always function properly in matters of the heart.
Some have also argued that sex is the only pleasure the poor can afford, while the rich have a variety: sex, good food, exotic holidays, etc.; why deny them their fun in the name of natural family planning since they cannot afford contraceptives? But God also gave all of us brains. Why bring children into the world, knowing you have no concrete plans for them? Some people also talk of miscalculations and accidental discharge, which can lead to having more children than you planned. That is true, but that does not stop you from planning. When miscalculations and accidental discharge begin to lead to two, three, four or additional children, you know your problem is actually indiscipline and ignorance.
We live in an odd and unkind society. All the safety nets you see in advanced counties for the vulnerable, the sick, the aged and the unemployed are either absent or not properly developed here. For instance, unless you have a trailer-load of cash, you cannot buy a brand new car or build your own home. We even provide ourselves electricity, water and sometimes road. So we must factor the society we live in into consideration when deciding our family size. When we talk about giving our families real quality life, baby number four is a game changer.
It changes the equation in accommodation, size of family vehicle and to a lesser extent, upkeep, education expenses and other expenses. It also increases the length of time parents will spend rearing children. Bringing up children with your retirement benefits or/and time is not a very great idea, if it is avoidable. Having said that, governments at all levels need to use the opportunity of this celebration to reflect on their social contract, or lack of it, with their people.
While we cannot bring back lost time and much of the misappropriated and misapplied resources, we must get our priorities right. Development is about the people. Government programmes should lift more families out of poverty. Our children need education that will make them contribute meaningfully to the society, not education with only a certificate as evidence. That is development. We need an enabling environment where every willing and serious Nigerian can realize his/her potentials. Once we settle the human aspects of development, physical development will naturally follow and make more sense.
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