A family friend lost his wife (of about twenty years) recently. Theirs was a mixed grill kind of marriage but then…aren’t most marriages like that?
When it’s really good between them…you saw aunty (may God rest her soul!) playing ‘sweet wife’ to the teeth. Cooking (she was a very good cook) and generally making her ‘hubby’ proud (especially when they were hosting friends and business associates) with her culinary skills and beautiful smiles. But when the ugly tides came… nothing (and I mean NOTHING!) that can be used as an emotional weapon was spared…including using the children against each other, ugliest of words were said to each other and…with a reckless abandon.
I can count how many times I visited home without being greeted with the complaints of their ‘latest fight’…including the issue of ‘the other woman’ that aunty had to go fight with her boys (their sons), and uncle threatening to disown those of them that went on that adventure with their mother.
Yet, when those two ‘managed’ to get back together, it’s almost like those words (that could leave some of us sulking for weeks) were never said!
One kind of gets a grasp on how they were about to keep ‘it’ going (despite the oddities) for a whopping twenty years and probably (would be) counting…had the grim reaper not stepped in.
So, when the news of her demise filtered in and I paid the family a visit, I must confess that I was not ready for the sight that greeted me …a usually boisterous man was weeping (and rolling on the floor) like a child…as he reeled out the many things that only aunty could fix in his life, his many faults that only aunty could tolerate, his many failings that only aunty could conceal (from the world) with a big smile and then he asked (as if talking to himself) how he is expected to go on living a life that is devoid of aunty’s presence.
Let me not bore you with the drastic weight loss (within days o) in him.
These days…a usually chatty man barely talks; he just stares into space, with occasional shaking of the head and tapping of a foot on the floor.
As I observed the grieving man, I kept wondering how many of those qualities of the deceased, which he was reeling out (at her death)-that he even bothered to mention to her (and possibly ‘thank her’ for) while she was alive. Did she also make an effort to find something about him to appreciate? If so…did she have the opportunity to let him know there is something worth ‘appreciating’ about him?
Too many questions on my mind… but why does it almost always take ‘when it’s too late’ for us to appreciate those in our lives?
His grief has once again reminded me of our common mistakes…one that most of us almost always commit when the ‘sober’ moments are over.
Maybe being hesitant with ugly words (at tensed moments) and quick with kind or appreciative words and deeds (every other time) is one way to get started.
Every chance you get and as often as you can help it…appreciate (in any way you can) those around you. That special moment or day that you are hoping on (to show it) may never come. Learn to do it (yes, appreciate that someone!) any chance you get.
It is said that one should not reserve anything for special days because every day that one is alive is special. Thus, there is never a ‘better time’ (to begin to appreciate those in your life) than now!!!
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