I looked at the old man sitting in front of me and struggled not to spit in disgust. He looked like something God had put together in anger, and in a hurry. He constantly reeked of garlic and he looked haggard and dressed clumsily like a destitute; one would never have guessed that he was a professor.
Not only was he a professor, he was also Head of Department, and his ‘future ambition’ was to get into my pants. I risked another glance at him and almost gagged. The man looked hideous! I couldn’t even imagine him licking my feet, let alone sticking his pen1s between my legs. Urrrrrrgh! I couldn’t help but shudder, it was a very disturbing imagery.
“Are you cold, should I reduce the AC?”, he asked in that irritating voice of his. There was nothing good about this man at all, nothing to admire. If it was Dr. Oni that wanted to ‘chop my ponmo’, I wouldn’t have minded at all.
The man was drop dead gorgeous! Tall, dark and handsome, he had the sexiest pink lips which were all I ever stared at in his classes. I’d have gladly played ball with Dr. Oni, but this Prof. Chuckwu that looked like the hunch back of Notre Dame just made me want to throw up.
“I’m not cold. I’m fine”, I replied him irritatedly. He looked at me and licked his lips, his fat, black lips that looked like tattered tyres on a keke napep. “You’re the one causing this problem for yourself.
This is your second extra year, and you brought it upon yourself. I just want to have a taste of you. Come on! How do you expect such a fine girl like you to pass through my department without me having a taste of her goodies?
Can you pass by a palace without greeting the king?. You just want to prove stubborn, now your mates have finished NYSC and you’re still stuck here with me. Continue to delay your own progress, just know that you won’t graduate from this department if I don’t get what I want”.
If looks could kill, Prof. Chuckwu would have been twice dead that instant. I shot him a look full of pure venom and daggers, hissed loudly and walked out of his office, banging the door as loudly as I could.
Bastard! I’d rather chew nails than have him grunt and heave and sweat like a ram on top of me. Dirty old man! Really, I blame my dad for all these. I wanted to stay in Lagos for my university education, but no, it had to be his own way. He wanted me to school in Ijebu so I could better understand my language and to relate well with my cousins and uncles in the hometown.
Since the state university was just in the next village from ours, I lived in his huge house in Ijebu. If I had stayed in Lagos like I wanted, all these may not be happening.
I was tired and frustrated already. This was my second extra year. Prof. Chuckwu kept giving me an F in his course which was a compulsory course. I was at the end of my wits, this man was really going to delay me for as long as it takes so as to get what he wants.
I was already in tears as I stepped into the compound, my uncle saw me and asked what was wrong. “Nike, what is it? Kilode? Why are you crying? Iwo ati tani? Talk to me”. So I explained everything to him through tears.
“Denike! Why are you slow like this? Enh? I told your father then, you were still drinking Babeena from a feeding bottle till you were three and a half years old. That’s why you’re slow like this! They didn’t feed you eba on time” He shook his head in exassperation. “So you, Adenike, omo Eweje, you’re letting some omo igbo, ajokuta ma momi come from the East to bully you in your own father’s land!
When you’re the grandchild of Eweje, the greatest herbalist in all of Ijebu. Tsk tsk! This matter is a veery simple one, wipe your tears, it is what Prof. Chuckwu knows how to eat that will kill him! When you’re ready, come and meet me at the family shrine. Stop crying my dear”
My uncle’s words didn’t bring much relief, I knew he was going to do something drastic, and it was going to involve serious charms. But what choice did I have? In the evening I went to see him at the family shrine and he gave me a concotion to eat. I was supposed to go and meet Prof. Chuckwu within three days and let him do whatever he wanted.
I went to Prof. Chuckwu’s office with my missing result forms. “Immediately you’re done, you’ll fill these forms for me and sign the attached letters for the Exams Officer and Faculty Officer to correct my results.”. He grinned happily like a child whose Christmas had come early and agreed enthusiastically.
I stripped and lay on the table, closed my eyes and started counting backwards from 1000. When I got to 800, he had finished, I gave him the papers to sign and walked out of his office.
When I left, Prof opened his fridge and finished all five one litre bottles of water that were inside.
He sent a student to get him more bottles of water, and he finished them all immediately. Then he took off his shirt, he said he was feeling hot, and he kept asking for more water. He finished a 50 litre jerrycan and still he wanted more water.
He was acting demented and complaining of heat, by now, other lecturers were becoming worried about this strange behaviour. Prof went to the back of the faculty, saying he wanted to fetch water from the well.
He removed the lid on the well, looked in and screamed in joy “water!” just as he jumped in. His body was recovered hours later. And I wasn’t sorry, it was truly what he wanted to eat that killed him.
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