Trump won because the Democrats ignored the memo. This was not your father’s election. This was your grandkid’s electorate. America wanted a show and they got the biggest showman. If Democrats wanted to win and wanted a woman president, they should have ran Kim Kardashian.
For many, last Tuesday was the end of the world.
Or, the end of the world since the United States Supreme Court declared George W. Bush the American President in 2000.
Just in case you were three hundred miles under the sea, it was the day Donald J. Trump became the 45th president-elect of the United States of America. Or, the day everyone realised the new road to power is a kick-ass reality show.
I feel really bad for Hillary. She is probably the most qualified person to ever run for the presidency. History will remember her as the woman who lost to the skinny black guy and the annoying white guy.
But, she has herself to blame and should sue her aides for Electoral College malpractice. A team of veterans ran the race like rookies! How do they explain conceding white, working class America to Trump without a fight? How do they explain losing the blue wall that is Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania?
It’s a really bad time for Democrats. I know because I’m one. We are in a daze. This must be what a boxer feels like when he wakes up after a knock out. If you want to compare us to anything in Africa right now, I guess it would be the PDP – leaderless and rudderless but with a big upside if we can get our act together.
It’s on days like these that you wish America were Africa because you would have a ready-made answer for Trump’s triumph – they rigged it.
People cried that this is the second coming of Hitler. There’s a countdown to when Trump will grow that infamous half-moustache. Some people wanted to jump off the bridge in protest. Others joined the age-old exercise regimen called street protests while their compatriots continued the unfailing tradition of piling on pounds by watching the protests on television.
The winners celebrated the victory of the man who insulted his way to the most powerful office on earth. White folks called white folks racist. Minorities looked at white folks and shook their heads. Me, I’m looking into starting a brick-making factory in Mexico.
It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this or so we thought as we sipped latte in chic coffee houses in the urban cities, while rural America plotted to turn the country on its head.
On election night, I huddled with friends over the returns on a more important matter – propositions 60 and 64. In America, someone must have given the founding fathers a time machine where they saw today’s Nigeria and her political class and screamed, “hell, no!” America decided to do something alien to Africans – give the people more direct power. They instituted a system of ballot measures which gives the voters power to decide on key issues. It doesn’t cost anything anyway. It’s just another hole to punch on the ballot paper.
The election taught me one thing. Never trust your elders. I was told that if I wanted to get ahead in life, I must work hard, respect women, be kind to strangers and don’t dabble in frivolous stuff. Now I know why I’m not a billionaire and a president-elect.
Imagine if Nigerians had the right to decide if they would pay more for darkness on the 2015 election ballot? You know the lords of Abuja won’t ever allow that. You never know, give the people a little power and they may vote on the legislators’ salary and entitlements.
Anyway, Prop 61 wanted Californians to decide if prostitutes should wear condoms in their movies. Prop 64 wanted us to decide if marijuana should be the new cigarette. The marijuana thing for me is a straight economic matter. It’s already happening, why not make it legal and rake in some taxes. But, the condom issue, now that’s juicy.
But, instead of discussing the fun porn and weed vote, all everyone wants to talk about is Trump. Just like they did yesterday. Just like they will tomorrow. Everyone wants to know why Hillary lost and Trump won.
I read the Nigerian orthodox and social media and, folks are having a melt down! I have no clue why Nigerians sometimes seem more interested in other people’s affairs than theirs. Their favourite, Hillary, never mentioned Nigeria once in any of the debates or on the stump. Their villain, Trump, would need help finding Nigeria on the map. Yet, Americans’ migraine became Nigerians’ brain tumour.
Trump won because the Democrats ignored the memo. This was not your father’s election. This was your grandkid’s electorate. America wanted a show and they got the biggest showman. If Democrats wanted to win and wanted a woman president, they should have ran Kim Kardashian.
Just imagine it. “The Apprentice” host versus the sex tape girl. That would have been a no contest. We would still be picking shards of glass from the busted ceilings. I could be telling my imaginary daughter right now she can be anything she wants to be.
But, let’s get serious.
Trump won because he outsmarted half the nation. While liberals love a glass of wine, big grammar and self-praise on social media, Trump, a liberal not too long ago and, most likely a closeted one, tapped into the anger and resentment of the other half of the country.
America has become two nations. The old America is transforming into a new one. But, old America fought back. They said they wanted their country back as if someone sold it in Mexico and a Kenyan man bought it. Trump found his part of the nation and camped there. He talked about the “old days”. In a country where minorities are under siege from the law, he called himself the “law and order candidate”. Trump spoke the language of scared, old America.
Hillary, on her part, ignored the crystal ball. She felt ordained. She felt being smart was enough. She felt her achievement makes her a shoo-in for the White House. She thought people will forget they don’t like or trust her, that half the country rejected her for Obama eight years ago and another half are still screaming she rigged her way to the ticket this time around. She laughed at Trump and wondered why she was sharing a stage with him, just like Al Gore did sixteen years earlier against Bush. She took breaks from the trail and sent surrogates. Trump staged mass rallies, selling a message that made many people puke. Trump got in the faces of people, Hillary got on their television sets.
The election taught me one thing. Never trust your elders. I was told that if I wanted to get ahead in life, I must work hard, respect women, be kind to strangers and don’t dabble in frivolous stuff. Now I know why I’m not a billionaire and a president-elect.
Thank God for porn and weed. At least we won something.
@iam_ose
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