Must Read: Making Right choices in Marriage

Dear Reader,

In the past two weeks, I have discussed the first step to take in making the right choices and God’s pattern for your choice. Today, I will be teaching on Choices in Three Realms.  Happy reading!

Unity of the flesh

Some people get married when they have unity of the flesh or physical unity with someone. For example, you see a young man or woman and say, “Oh, he is handsome,” or “Oh, she is beautiful.  Look at her figure, look at her complexion.”  All that has attracted him or her is the physical appearance.  While nothing is wrong with this realm of attraction itself, it is a wrong premise on which to contract a life-long relationship. It is only God Who knows the end from the beginning.  People can change over time.  The man who is broad-shouldered, flat-tummied, and muscular today can become pot-bellied, flabby, and bald tomorrow.

  If your relationship is only based on the physical appearance of a person, your love will fade as his or her looks change.  This is not a strong foundation to keep a husband and wife together for life.  There is need for caution!

Unity of the soul

The second blueprint upon which many people decide on a mate is the soulish blueprint, which includes the emotions, intellect and will.  Perhaps, you find a woman who reasons like you do and both of you share the same interests in music, dance, drama, etc.  So, you think, “Ah, may be she can make a good wife.” You think both of you are compatible.  In another scenario, you may meet someone and one look at the person, you “fall” head-over-heels in “love”.  You develop strong feelings for the person and decide to get married.  It is risky to base your relationship purely on the unity of the soul, because likes and dislikes change overtime.  The things you like doing today, you may find childish tomorrow or you simply lose interest in them later.  It is very important for you to know also that emotions are fickle.  That is why you hear of people who ‘fell in love’ and later ‘fall out of love’! Remember that even values change.  Although it is essential to agree in your likes and dislikes, have similar interests, be emotionally attracted to one another, these should not be the primary reasons for contracting a marriage.

Unity of the spirit

The most important unity that must exist between a man and a woman, which will also determine how much the marriage flourishes, is that of the spirit. This can only happen between two born-again Christians because outside Christ, all men are spiritually dead.  When an individual is said to be born-again, it is his spirit which died in Adam that has now been re-born.  To operate by the unity of the spirit, you must agree on certain fundamental principles and doctrinal issues.  The Word of God says: Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God, Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment (Hebrews 6:1-2).

Do you agree on the following?

1. Repentance from dead works
2. Faith towards God
3. The doctrine of baptisms (Holy Ghost and immersion in water)
4. The laying on of hands (either for impartation or healing)
5. The resurrection of the dead (or is he/she a Sadducee)
6. Eternal judgment

Then:

Are you heading in the same direction? Do you have a similar calling or vision? Are there other doctrines which his or her church subscribes to? Do you know them and are you comfortable with them?

The most important of these dimensions is the spiritual. I have discovered that even when the physical and soulish aspects are not 100 percent satisfactory, once the spiritual is intact, others also find fulfilment.  When you get married based on the unity of the spirit, you will find that the needs of the soul and the flesh are also wonderfully met!

Lester Sumrall described how he met his wife in one of his books I read sometime ago.  He said the first time he saw his wife, his flesh told him, “This lady is beautiful.”  Then as they talked together, he noticed that they had many soulish things in common – they had the same mind on many issues of life.  But the main reason he decided to marry her was her dedication, devotion and unwavering love for the things of God.  They were happily married for about 50 years before his wife went home to be with the Lord.

I also had a very similar experience.  When I met my husband, I observed that he is a very handsome man.  Something from within told me, “This is the man!”  Not only that, we had (and still have) the same mind about various issues of life. Most importantly, what actually brought us together, and has helped us record the kind of success we enjoy in our marriage today, are the spiritual qualities he possessed: dedication and unwavering commitment to Christ and His Kingdom.

Guess what? He was actually on a trip, on Kingdom service when we met! It has been well over thirty years since we first met and agreed to get married, and we have actually been married for over thirty years now, and it’s still getting sweeter by the day! Your own marriage will be sweeter in Jesus’ name!

Do you want to be born again? You become born again as you confess your sins and accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour.  If you are set for it, please say this prayer: “Dear Lord Jesus Christ, I come to You today.  I am a sinner.  Forgive me of my sins and cleanse me with Your Blood.  Deliver me from sin and satan to serve the living God.  I accept You as my Lord and Saviour.  Make me a child of God today.  Thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom.”